The icy wind penetrates my coat as I sit here in the pouring rain massaging my chapped blistered fingers. The spade is resting against my lap covered in the muddy earth which it has dug. My heart aches and fills with dread as the thoughts of the last few weeks are still raw in my mind. I sink my head into my hands and sob pitifully as I recall those dreadful weeks and the destructive force of my mind as I let it free for the first time in my life with disastrous consequences. I take you back now to the start of this horrific ordeal and the events that have led up to the horrifying predicament I now find myself in.